Why do we skip the conversations that can help someone along?

I keep coming back to this puzzle. We’re surrounded by perfect moments for meaningful connection – when something goes sideways and needs untangling, when someone does brilliant work that deserves real recognition. These are the conversations that could realign a team or amplify someone’s unique gifts. Yet somehow, we let them slip by.

When things fall apart, we’d rather avoid the awkwardness. When things go wonderfully, we barely pause before racing to the next deadline. Both moments are invitations – chances to create the kind of dialogue that helps people grow, that builds the foundation for what’s possible next.

The research on this is fascinating, especially around what we politely call “constructive” feedback. Turns out, people would rather tell white lies than truth, particularly when the other person is emotionally invested in whatever we’re discussing.

In her book Insight: Why We’re Not as Self-Aware as We Think, and How Seeing Ourselves Clearly Helps Us Succeed at Work and in Life, organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich explores what she calls the “MUM Effect” – our tendency to keep Mum about Undesirable Messages. This makes evolutionary sense. Throughout human history, when survival depended on belonging to a group, upsetting the social dynamics could mean ostracism – literally a matter of life and death. Research shows that social rejection activates the same parts of our brain as physical pain does.

So our brains are literally protecting us from conversations that might help someone thrive. We avoid the very exchanges that could strengthen relationships and create better outcomes. The irony is wild – in trying to preserve connection, we miss chances to deepen it.

What if we started seeing these moments differently? Not as threats to navigate around, but as openings where real growth happens? The conversations that feel slightly uncomfortable are often the ones that create the most possibility.

What moments are you letting slip by? And what might become available if you didn’t?